Author: Stacey Lynn
When to have sex has been the million dollar question in dating.
Not because of the right reasons “do I want to have sex with this man”, or “am I attracted to him”, but because of guilty questions such as “what will he think of me if I have sex too soon”, or “am I going to ruin things and he will disappear afterwards”.
The only reason to have sex with the man you are dating, regardes of how many dates you have had, its because… you want to have sex. That’s it. End of story.
So the most important question is to ask yourself if you want to.
You should be concerned with if you want to. If you are attracted to him and want to take that step.
Many women decide to have sex, and then get surprised when the man dissappears afterwards, ghost them, are suddenly too busy to meet again, etc.
The even sadest part is that if you ask your girlfriends, or even other women advice for example on a dating Facebook group, many women will tell you exactly that: you had sex too soon and you ruined things.
He thinks you have sex with just anyone, you are not a challenge anymore, and he lost interest, and other blame and guilt trap reasons.
Well I think it’s about time to address the elephant in the room and give the power back to women.
The real reason why many men bail after sex is NOT because you had sex too soon. In fact, it has nothing to do with you, and it has everything to do with him.
The most common reasons are:
- He was never truly interested in dating you
- He is just a fu**boy
- He is emotionally unavailable
So, how can you ruin things by “having sex too soon” if he was never interested in dating you, he is emotionally unavailable, or just a fu**boy?
ALL of those things have nothing to do with you.
You can and should have sex because you want to. Without expectations, without wearing rose-tinted glasses and most important, without using sex as a bargaining chip to get a relationship or the next step in commitment.
You should have sex because you want to have sex. Simple.
And if he dissapears afterwards, then consider that a blessing because he just showed you HE is NOT relationship skilled.
Him, not you.
Bear in mind that an emotionally available man, who has values and is truly interested in you, will NOT dissapear after having sex with you. Even if you have sex early in dating.
He will not judge you for “having sex too soon”, after all he is having sex “too soon” as well!
He will stay and will want to continue seeing you, and will see sex as just one more thing in the many magical things between you too.
So, if a man dissappears after sex, that doesn’t say anything about you.
It says everything ABOUT HIM!
Instead of overthinking and treating yourself badly thinking you ruined it, feeling bad, and lowering your vibration, think of how lucky you are that he showed you his true colors so early on!
Stay in your power knowing that you had sex because you wanted, and if that specific guy doesn’t want to see you again, his loss.
Maybe he doesn’t have what it takes to see things beyond a physical thing. That can be temporary or permanent in his life, but that’s none of your business. His problems.
In fact, if you are worried about what he thinks and feels about you, and pinning after him and a relationship with him, instead you should be in your power and thinking what YOU think and feel about him after him showing you how he is.